If it’s too loud, you’re too young

July 13, 2011
Hey Guys,

I never thought I’d hear these words again in my lifetime, but I’m so happy I did.
What words are those, you ask?  These:  “here’s the new single off the soon to be released album, Infestation, by Ratt!”
Wow.  And it’s about damn time.  Ratt and Roll is back, and in a big way—the new single “Best of Me” would have done very, very well in 1983 and it is a blessed relief to hear it in this day and age of the whiney, alternative angst-ridden freakboy.
It’s loud. It’s unapologetic.  Real guitars are played (not droned on).  Stephen Pierce sounds just like he did back in the 80’s.  It’s got crunches, it’s got riffs and it’s pure heavy metal, good time rock and roll.  Hell, it’s Ratt and Roll.
Back when real music was played on a regular basis by real bands, there was a saying:  if it’s too loud, you’re too old.  It was the brash, take-what you can, cocky, in your face, fun in the name of rock and roll that drove all the women wild. Oh, they said they didn’t like metal, but when you went to a concert… well, you guys who were there know what I’m talking about. As a subscriber of mine once said, “hell, in that environment, even mooks got laid.”
Today, it seems, the saying should be, “if it’s too loud, you’re too young.”  Today’s music (a misnomer, since this garbage has been ongoing since 1992) is not meant to be played loud—it can’t be.  It’s meant to moan about how hard life is, how misunderstood the youth of today are, and about how women never notice nice guys (take, for example, the asinine song “she’s so high above me.” No shit).
The attitude of that kind of music is a huge turn off—women don’t want men who whine, don’t want me who gripe all the time, don’t want men who are tentative, don’t want men who believe they are unattractive.
They want men with the Ratt and Roll attitude, men who believe in “Lovin’ You’s a Dirty Job (and I’m the Man to Do It)… and in “Back for More” and in “I’ll Leave the Morning After” and in “I Want a Woman” and in “Round and Round” and all the other great Ratt tunes meant to be played LOUD and PROUD.
So help yourself to some Ratt and Roll, and help drive the girlie men back home to mommy—get the new album as soon as it comes out, and as the great Dee Snider once said…
Play that Mutha LOUD!
On with the fun…
-John Alanis“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”
PS To claim your copy of the free How to Get a Girlfriend CD, just go to:
PPS Questions?  Comments?  Send them to questions@johnalanis.com
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